Right. I'm at a bit of a loss. I'm at my new job and there is currently very little to do. I'm in the school library (Obviously, being the librarian) which is entirely organised on little bits of cardboard. The most enthusiastic of kids will not come voluntarily to do extra work at lunch times and after school on the first two days of term. Frankly I'd be worried if they did. (Probably call them a big bunch of book-worm Jessies. "Get out in the fresh air. Go find some boys and hang around bus shelters and street corners, for the love of God!)

Next month the whole place is being refurbished and I get to order loads of cool stuff. I will start running structured lunchtime activities like current affairs quizzes, reading groups and themed days. Plus, people are bound to turn up just because they are nosy.

It's Roald Dahl day on Wednesday. It would have been his 90th Birthday. I am going to create a quiz in a minute and run it at lunchtime, with a prize! I am God's gift to Librarianship, non? Anyone with any ideas along the making reading/learning fun front feel free to post them and I'll probably steal them.

I shouldn't complain about not having much to do, should I? I've just had six weeks off. I'm going to be ridiculously busy next month, so I shall relish it. I am aware that I said I would be more interesting and some people (if there are any reading) may feel that this is evidently not the case. To you I say "Pah!" Give me some time to do something interesting. I should probably Write something about V. Yes... That's an idea...I shall think about that. This will all be a lot more convenient when I get a computer on my desk. Until then...

Hello. I'm back. Today is my first day on my new job. See link and picture.

http://www.stmarys.org.uk/

I have been left to my own devices for a moment. I shan't talk long today but, reading over this blog, it occurs to me that I am very dull. From now on I shall write about interesting and topical issues in stylish, organised and literary fashion. Eh hem. Indeed. Watch this space.

Happy Birthday to me.

This is my last entry for a while. It is the last day of the school term and who knows when I shall have Internet access again? I shall have a nice peaceful summer. I shall stay up late and sleep in and go to music festivals. I'll go visit my family and my dog. I'll go walking in Yorkshire and bask in the sunshine.

I see a glorious six weeks of blissfulness stretch out in front of me, shining and golden. I don’t wish to make people working in this heat feel bad but it is my birthday and I’m allowed to feel happy about everything. I’m all on my own as some people feel that going to Wales for the week during their significant other’s birthday is acceptable. I don’t mind really. I got some lovely prints this morning and there are still presents hidden around the house to find. It just means I’m alone until this evening until I go to my old flatmate’s for a drink and a Chinese later this evening.

Everyone but everyone must come to visit me during the summer. Just let me know when- all are welcome, anytime. (Unless I’m in Yorkshire or any of the above places. Best to check first.) In fact, it is an order. I haven’t seen some of you for years. Actual years!

Anyway. Goodbye for the summer. I hope everyone who is working has a fun-filled stress-free time. Until September……..

This may be the last time I write for a while. I may be able to squeeze in one more before the end of term. It is very nearly the end of the school year, thank heaven and all that's sacred, which means I can look forward to an internetless, even computerless summer. I know it will be difficult but everyone can console themselves with the knowledge that I will be deliriously happy all summer due to the fact that I have six weeks off and a nice new job to go to.

Yes, I got the job. I rock. Not only this but it sounds like the best fun in the world. It is at a tiny, private girls' school, which is pretty much a combination of the various girls' schools I have attended during my education - places where I met extremely good friends and generally had the time of my life (apart from Biology GCSE and A-level Physics lessons.) It is a convent school in a beautiful Victorian house, set in a few acres of ground, accepting girls from 0-18.

I will be responsible for running the library and an ICT suite. This means I can order books, create displays, invite writers in to talk about their work, run book and literature clubs at basic and advanced levels to help students widen their reading before university etc. I will be responsible for the computers and the interactive whiteboard- I will help students with their research and possibly give basic interactive whiteboard training to teachers. I'm also going to help out with the careers library. I get to do loads of stuff and enjoy doing and still teach some extra classes, like bookclubs, but they will be voluntary for the pupils- all of the fun, none of the pressure. I am so excited.

It will involve a bit of a pay cut but it's five minutes from my house, which will save petrol, and I think it will be worth it because of how much I will adore it. I am blissful. All I have to do now is get through three and a half more days where I am now and all will be right with the world.

Plus, it is my birthday on Wednesday. Hip hip hooray.

We lost then. Sorry for absence- I've been doing exciting things like going to safari parks. Can't talk long- busy busy. I have a job interview tomorrow! Write soon. Wish me luck, everyone.

I’m trying to work out how much I like football. I’ve been watching an inordinate amount of it just lately. In fact, I’ve watched every match, except for the ones that were on while I’m at work- Oh and Switzerland v Ukraine. There’s being enthusiastic about football and then there’s being a glutton for monotony. I’ve been suitably entertained and diverted for a large portion of them. I have also been quite exasperatingly indifferent the rest of the time.

There are a number of elements to consider when reviewing what makes a match enjoyable for me:

1. The number of goals.
I like to make infuriating little squeaking noises when the ball gets within 30 yards of either goal.

2. The number of sendings-off.
Especially for dissent. I do like an altercation or two. Head butting, calling the other player’s/referee’s wife/mother/pet a whore. It’s all good.


3. The number of dives.
Not because I condone dishonest and fraudulent behaviour in any way at all, that would be unthinkable, but because we all like to hate Argentineans (football wise, I’m not a xenophobe) and let’s face it, it’s they’re the Lords of the dive. (Dive, dive, wherever you may be….) Being angry is fun.

4. The number of actual injuries.
Again, I don’t want to make it sound like I have a desire for Players to actually get hurt. Well, not too badly anyway, but it does make for good watching, The commentator’s remarks (see later) are always interesting at these points too.


5. The amount of gabble spouted by commentators and pundits alike.
Tell you what, I’ve written a lot of blog entries in my time but this just might be the best blog I’ve written about football in the history of blogging and the game, at the end of the day. It’s not all about original grammar and clichés. Some of it is just plain ridiculous. I turn your attention to the following site about one such individual who, although somewhat disgraced of late, stands out as a paradigm of language inventiveness.

http://dangerhere.com/ronglish/

I’ve been learning to speak football gibberish- observe:

“Well, he’s given it the little eyebrows full gun and it’s glanced off the second post and it’s gone straight in the back of the onion net, putting England up one nil, early doors. I’m telling you, they’re playing for fun!”


6. Whether Gary Lineker in presenting or the inferior blonde Gabby woman on ITV.
Gary Lineker, Alan Hanson, Alan Shearer and Ian Wright all sat in a row. What more could a girl, or a man, for that matter, wish for?

If we could come up with some sort of mathematical scoring system based on these elements, we could work out whether I will enjoy a match with almost pinpoint accuracy. What the reason for this would be is anyone’s guess but it is almost certainly fundamental for future of mankind. Of course, if England are playing it makes it exhilarating, whatever happens. So much so that I’ve been in danger of having to go upstairs and hide under the duvet until it’s all over. So, what do you think, do I like football or not? I know the offside rule, if that helps.

Since I don't have enough time to write properly, here is a poem generated from the content of the site, made by some generator thing.

Any pets immensely and I
had people to simultaneously
write a shiny black Toyota Corolla to face quite so
the procedure has been signed off
because
I find I felt
that
despite only 4 people to this
is a
good television but
that they threw rocks and the summer months.
In abundance. There are the
illogical and exasperating. It will now, here
I am on any upset
worried about
to town and clean
everything they have a
whining No hot cars and
my education
I expect to parliament.
Let's face
quite a charming young creature by the
other innocent bystander.

It's better than my actual poetry.