I am back in Colchester. Actually I am lying. I am currently in Sutton but I would usually be in Colchester. My presence in Sutton accounts for the internet access, something which is, at present, lacking in Colchester. This is mainly due to my mother's incompetence. She decided, very unwisely, that because it said "5 easy steps" on the BTYahoo internet set-up disc, that she would be able to successfully set up an account. I knew that something peculiar was going on when the poor, deluded woman claimed that she didn't have a username or password and that, in fact, the "internet let her on without any of that." It appears that the internet and my mother have a unique and special relationship.

It turned out, of course, that the computer had crashed before she completed the account details. When my mother switched the computer back on and the BTYahoo icon had appeared, she assumed that it had all gone swimmingly. My sister proceeded to use the icon to dial up and 'revise' for hours on end, entirely oblivious to the fact that she was running up a bill for £70 worth of internet calls to the pay-as-you-go number that they put you on as default. Well, they do if, like my mother, you are retarded enough to think the internet is some sort of sentient entity, that decides who it gives access to, based on, presumably, whether the person concerned is my mother or not. The resulting hysteria when the phone bill arrived means that broaching the idea that she might let me set it all up properly is something I am not willing to attempt for a few weeks. It is just as well...I might have something interesting to say by then.

I would have written before I left Canterbury but I had more important things to do. I am in Sutton visiting my good friend Gemma and her fiance Sid. I am here until Tuesday, when I am going to my nice school in Buckinghamshire for an induction-type day. I am trying to write this on an iMac. It is all very confusing. Maybe not very confusing. I am coping. The last few weeks of college passed without too much of interest to tell. I handed in all my final thingies which means I am now practically almost a proper teacher.

There was an eventful celebration evening which fell on the night England played Portugal. Everyone I knew was at least as drunk as I was, which was refreshing. Shame about the result... I was confronted, upon leaving the Union, with my inebriated Subject Tutor who informed me that we should "just go in there and trash the place" because it wasn't "fair." I managed to escape home without trashing the union or being witness to the abuse of anyone who was Swiss, had Swiss relatives, had ever been to Switzerland or had ever eaten a Toblerone. It was harder than it sounds.

I am being quite anti-social and there appears to be some sort of 'Monkeyball' extravaganza going on -Monkeyball being a game on the GameCube. I am unfamiliar with the controls for the GameCube pads. This is the reason why I was 63 over par on my recent game of Monkeyball Golf. That was the reason, I tell you!