There are some upsides to this malarkey.

Currently, my year 12 Media group are studying film genre. The specific genre that they are studying is Science Fiction. This means I can legitimately put on any Science Fiction film I like and then discuss it with them. I get paid for this.

I do this quite a lot in my spare time. Only last weekend I got into a fairly intense discussion with some fellow pub-goers about the relative merits of two such films. I became so irate when some of the people involved, who appeared to be of sound mind and under no hallucinogenic influences, claimed that they could enjoy the film ‘Face Off’ because it clearly suspended the audiences disbelief in a sophisticated fashion.

My problems with this are manifest. Firstly, the idea that detaching someone’s face, transplanting onto someone else’s using a plastic template thing to make sure the structure is the same, and then assuming that no one would notice the exchange, the faces would be entirely unblemished, the recovery time would be non-existent, there would be no visible scarring, no infection from an alien plastic device being shoved between flesh and bone, nothing, in fact, to suggest the procedure has taken place, is utterly preposterous and downright insulting. Excuse the length of my sentences. (I allow that this is supposed to be some new-fangled technique but the rest of the film is not overly futuristic and none of this is given an explanation.)

Secondly, even granting the illogical and absurd pretence, are the film- makers really trying to tell me that, despite having widely different physiques, voices, hairlines and any number of other distinguishable features unique to the actors in question, the characters’ nearest and dearest seem completely oblivious to the alterations? John Travolta is 6”2 and was born in 1954. Nic Cage claims to be 6”0 and was born in 1964 (although it is said that he wears high-heals to make himself look taller.)

There is a scene in the film when John Travolta (who is actually Nic Cage with Johnny’s face) quite obviously comes on to his teenage daughter (not really his daughter, you understand, the real Johnny’s daughter) The deluded girl suspects that her Daddy is acting a little odd and we cannot blame her for being confused because the man is question quite evidently has her Father’s voice, torso and appendages, as well as his face.

My one piece of praise is that the acting may have been ok, if I hadn’t been thoroughly livid the whole time I was watching it. Utter gibberish from beginning to end. The only thing suspended during that piece of cinematic claptrap was the Director’s senses.

The other film we discussed was ‘X-Men The Last Stand’ and I don’t care what you comic boys say! Even if Juggernaut isn’t supposed to be a mutant or Rogue’s character is entirely out of keeping with her comic namesake, I liked it. (Although The Rock ( You smell what he’s cooking) needed to be aforementioned Juggernaut, not the ridiculously inept Vinnie Jones)

‘Walking Tall’…now there’s a film.